I thought of myself as an independent person when I was using, but in reality I was dependent on drugs. I needed drugs to deal with life. This was a temporary solution of sorts, but not one that was sustainable, healthy, sane, or productive. I realized, finally, that I couldn't continue to live this way and that's when I started looking for something else to depend on, which I found by going to NA. Today, my higher power is my source of strength and peace, not drugs.