Thanks everyone for sharing. And thank you DecBaby for having the courage to speak about your concerns with staying clean
I think just the fact that you brought it to SR for discussion says that you are wanting to do the next right thing.
Here's my experience and why I stay clean.
First reason is my family. I want to keep the family that I have left. Last June, as a direct result of my addiction, one of my kids were removed from my house and now has a new family.
(I'll post the whole story in another thread)
The main thing is that someone found out about me using and decided to report it to the department of human resources (dhr). When they got the report they immediately came and took "Levi." He had been placed with us a year earlier and we were told that we would eventually get to adopt him. We had already accepted him and loved him as our own son. But since the state had legal custody of him at the time, all they needed to remove him from our house was suspision.
So, that day, thanks to addiction, my wife and I lost a son. They also placed me under a safety plan that said I wasnt allowed to be unsupervised with my other son until the investigation was completed.
It took 90 days, but I won my case. See, I was clean and in a recovery program when dhr got the report. So all my drug screens were negative and they didnt have enough proof to hold me liable. That doesnt matter though because the damage was already done.
So yeah, I am motivated to stay clean because I love my family and want us to be able to stay together forever.
I also stay clean because I take pride in my recovery and my clean time. I think we should all be proud of every day we wake up clean and sober. And even after only a couple of days and weeks clean, I refused to give it up. I don't want to go down that road again.
I carry a picture of my kids everywhere I go. Sometimes I look at the pictures to remind me of the wonderful little boy still in my family who still needs a clean daddy. And I also look at the picture of my other little boy, who I still love, and it reminds me that we all have to pay the consequenses of our actions. Using didnt just affect my life.
I believe in you. You can stay clean. You just have to have a little "want to" and keep on trying. Keep coming back, work the steps, call your sponsor. (not necessarily in that order)
Thanks for letting me share.