I make a choice every day not to use, they I do it again the next day.
The same here. I have to remind myself everyday that nothing is too much for me to solve.I try to be gentle on myself. I set small goals for msyelf even like taking a shower or walking for 30 minutes. When I was 15 or 20 days clean, I couldnot make myself get off the couch.I suffered from deep depression. I didnot have any energy to dress up or finish any work. I took multi vitamins and excercised every day. I go to meetings daily and read NA literarture. I call people in recovery or my sponsor when I'm going through tough times. My day today is as I set it to be. I can choose to think OMG how will I ever get over addiction or I can choose to stay positive and say this will not last for ever. It's a small price to pay for freedom.
PS- you have to take care of you so that you can take care of your kids. You are no good for them high. Maybe you can tell someone to help you with the kids till you are healthy enough.