spryte

Hi,

I have been sober for 24 days, and I'm going to at least one AA meeting a week. At the start I was going to 4 or 5 a week. I am feeling at loose ends with the AA program because I feel like I need to admit I'm an alcoholic in order to move on to the other steps.

I know I can't drink at alland that I need to stop completely. This I fully accept.

But the whole disease thing, and the word 'alcoholic' just does not resonate with me. Mainly because I think my drinking is a personality thing, not a disease thing. I am neurotic, anxious, introverted (you get the picture) and substances are a way to let the air out of the tires, and check out from life. That being said, I don't think my personality is flawed or diseased.

I smoked cigarettes when I was very young the same way I drink. I smoked weed for 3 years the same way I drink. If cocaine was legal and freely accessable, then I'd be doing that the same way I'm drinking. I don't even like alcohol!

The last week I am feeling a little bit of optimism about the future, and I feel that trying to talk myself into the reality that I have an incurable disease is not helpful. And I also don't think it's true.

I am balking at this word: alcoholic. Am I just in denial? Or is this normal? Has anyone had a similar experience?