Nice name BTW!
It sounds like you are in a spot where you don't have a lot of mobility. I would suggest when you can, get to a meeting ASAP. Then go every day until you haven't drank for 96 years.
In the meantime maybe the Joe/Charlie or Bob D talks will help you:
Joe And Charlie Big Book Adventure Bob D: How to Recover from a Spiritual Malady
These talks really opened the door to my recovery. I require all my sponsees listen to the Joe/Charlie. I could talk till I'm blue in the face, or read to them from the book, which we still do. But, although hard to accept, these guys do a much much better job of it than I could ever do. OK I said it...ouch! lol
Take care bro. Don't beat yourself up anymore. It won't do you any good.