I'm sorry Steve.
I've been there, thats all.
It's insidious, this thing - gets you when you're low, and when you're riding high.
It really is that first drink that's the problem man - that...and accepting that we just can't drink without putting everything else in the toilet.
Do whatever you need to do to make tomorrow Day One mate - see your Dr, get some counselling, sit on SR, go to a meeting...whatever it takes.
Get back on the right road and have a Merry Christmas
D