I have to say that I completely related to this post - and some of the things my AH have done are incredibly mean and cruel. I also feel frustrated that I felt SO sure of myself asking him to leave, but then I have doubts sometimes. I know that the man he is though, is not the man I want him to be. He has cut down his drinking considerably, but it really hasn't changed the way he treats me. It seems to me he'll have an occassional moment where he "understands" his own behavior, and then switches back to the same mean person. I know I feel calmer and more at peace than in a long time. My fears are mostly financially related......and that is NOT enough to change it. I think it is normal to doubt our decisions/feelings especially with someone like an alcoholic who appears often to have 2 distinctly different personalities. I just keep reminding myself, that if it were my sons doing to their wife what he has done to me, or if a man ever treated my daughter the way he has treated me that I would never "allow" that, and then the realization that I have value just like my kids do and I don't deserve it either. And lastly, that by keeping them in the environment I am increasing the chances that they think his behavior is ok. And in the end.......I would do whatever it takes to keep them healthy and happy!