the cravings are really starting to get to me
I'm on day 11 of sobriety so far and the cravings are really starting to get to me. I was hoping they would go away and I imagine they will given enough time but it's really starting to get to me. I spend all day feeling depressed, anxious, and fiending for oxy. I fantasize about using all day long. I try not to think about it, to distract myself with other things, etc but it does not seem to work.
My mind is starting to play tricks on me. Like today I almost convinced myself that if I could just use ONE MORE TIME I would remember that it really isn't that great and the cravings wouldn't be as bad. Junkie logic at its finest. In reality I'm sure if I used now after being clean for 11 days I would get really high from my tolerance going down and the cravings would be worse. So instead I just went to the gym and worked out and that seemed to help a bit but it was a close call nonetheless. Tomorrow I plan on waking up and exercising and then going straight to an NA meeting. Hopefully that will get me in a better mindset for the day.
I just wish I didn't have to spend all day in a constant internal battle. I'm trying to do everything I can but the cravings are still ******* killing me.