Janitor
Thanks for sharing. I know how you are feeling. I don't know how long or how much you drank but I always 2nd the possibilty of medical detox.
In the old days they mixed orange juice and honey. Chocolate is also suggested in the AA book "Living Sober". I ate a giant Hershey bar every day my first few months, I can remember it helped, but that didn't keep me sober.
He're something that helped me long term:
It was explained to me that the actual "craving" for alcohol doesn't occur until I put it in my body. Then the actual "physical craving" for more increases exponentially and ensures I cant stop putting it in my body till I'm blasted everytime. I never drank just one or two...Maybe one or two cases.
Before I put alcohol in my body I'm actually "obsessing" over it. Obsession is uncontrolled thinking. The mental obsession forces me to drink. It wins every time. If I weren't powerless it wouldn't. If I could control the thinking I would just quit thinking about a drink. I couldn't. So the obsession wins and I take a sip. Now I'm screwed by the physical craving.
So I'm stuck in an endless loop. A double-headlock so to speak. I can't drink safely and I can't not drink.
Well, long story short I haven't had an uncontrollable obsession of the mind since I went through the 12-steps the first time. That's the miracle of them. I know it sounds crazy.
Well, how does this help you right now? Maybe all it does is give you hope.
Here's what really sucks: You repeateldy detox on your own, get past the really miserable 3 days of sleepless sweating shakes. You might make it a week. You start to feel decent again mentally and physically. Then you go insane again. You get drunk. You do the detox deal all over again. The cycle repeats itself for years...But you still think you have the drinking under control and this will be your last drink...again...lol
If you have to spend 30 days in a rehab to get a good start it may save you 30 more years of drinking. I don't know.
There's a lot of truth to the saying "We do step 1 outside the rooms". "We don't move on to step 2, or 3, or 4, until we've had enough to drink." On the other hand how do we stay sober long enough to work the steps? How do we get enough to drink without dying? It aint easy. If it was every one who wanted to be sober would be.
Maybe you can find a sponsor who will let you stay at their house for the weekend. For instance. Say quit you drinking on Wed night. Thursday you will be OK as you will still have a lot of lubricant in your system. Friday will start to get rough. You will need someone to talk to by Sat and Sunday you will need a shoulder to cry on! By Monday you might be able to withstand yourself and ready to start the program of action.
Just some things to think about.