Introduction
I have been lurking around and reading posts today as I search online for links and information, searching mainly for the support I know I will need to change my life. I like what I've come across so far... the support and information that many of you offer one another. I have closed myself off so much socially and emotionally that even this tiny step is scary; but... here I am.
I am an alcoholic and I've struggled with anxiety and depression/substance abuse since I was a teenager. I may not drink EVERY day but I drink most days and when I do I seldom stop until the bottle (or bottles) are empty. The longest I have ever 'quit' was when I was pregnant 4-5 years ago. I managed a month 2 years ago, but that's about all the experience I've had with sobriety in the past 15 or so years.
I struggle with my idea of a higher power, but I do believe that someone must be looking out for me- it is unbelievable to me that I've made it this far without dying, getting a dui... etc.. I hesitate to use the term "high-functioning" because I don't feel it's very accurate. I manage to scrape by, I manage to be a loving mother during the day... but I have holed myself and my daughter up with my addiction.
I only have 2 days sober. At this point I feel isolated, so simultaneously helpless and hopeful, sad and scared... sick to my stomach. I think writing helps though. Thanks for reading.
Sarah