2ndBest

Hi All,

It's me again, 2nd Best. My baby is now 2 weeks (exactly) old, and a precious gift. Her and my other two children make life so worth it for me.

My A on the other hand . . .

After his last drinking episode (3 days after I had the baby, when he told me that he was not putting up with my "postpartum bullsh#t"), he managed to stay sober for a week and was a great guy, helpful, loving, kind, and wonderful. I think this was only because I told him I wanted a divorce, and I meant it, which really upset him (he even wrote me a poem about how wonderful I was - blah blah blah). I even had all of the divorce papers ready. Of course this did not last. His mood changed, he became increasingly agitated (Does anyone else live with someone who has Adult ADHD that will not take his meds?), and then it was the "do you mind if I have a beer or two?" Well, at least he came home, so I said whatever, I just did not want to see him drunk. He was such a good boy, only had a couple and switched to soda, almost made me believe he could control himself.

NOT!

That was not enough for him. The next day, he disappeared on me, playing the old "I'm not answering my cell phone" trick, after checking in with me and calling me all day pretending to be so caring, and pulled all of the same old crap, spending all the money we had to spend in one day, not telling me where he was or was going, etc., etc. Just lying and expecting me to not question.

Next day (yesterday) - I was not very happy with him, but this is unacceptable, because he never does anything wrong, and will scream this at the top of his lungs when he is drunk. He wanted me to go to a work party with him (last day of work - school let out), and I did not really want to. Why reward him by playing perfect happy wife and mother to newborn so his co-workers can go on and on about how wonderful he is (they always do - if only they knew!). Last year, he never told me about this party (cocktail party), just went and told me that spouses did not really go. So am I supposed to be thrilled this year when I was invited by him?

I told him I did not want to go. And that was it. So he went without me (I fully expected this) and the "one hour" that we were going to go together for turned into three hours for him, then turned into him coming home and changing his clothes and announcing that he was going to play basketball. He was already lit up. He then took my car with all of the kids carseats and left me home alone with no transportation that I can use.

Any of you that have read my posts before know that basketball night is a bone of contention with me. I do not want him to go. It is drunk night. He goes and hangs out with the other drunks he plays basketball with, then goes and sits it the bar until late, and can not control himself. He comes home wasted from these nights, in fact, he even crashed my car on one of these nights, which is why he took my car. The car he drives is still damaged, the brake lights don't work, you need a screwdriver to shift gears, and some of the electrical things are not working. This is all from his crash. He knows he needs to get these things fixed, but just has not gotten around to it.

Anyway, he went to basketball, not asking me, just telling me. And then he did not come home until 8:00 in the morning. I had to call his mom to come and pick up my daughter and take her to school, because I did not think he would show up. No call, no nothing. And he has a cell phone. No explanation, no sorry, I have no clue where he was. Yesterday, as he was leaving, I told him to stay gone, I did not want him here with us, but since when does he ever listen to me???? I ask him not to drink, I ask him not to spend all of our money, I ask him to be there for me, I ask him to be a man, I ask him to grow up, he never does these things.

But when it is convenient, he listens.

So after he came home he slept all morning til noon, took a shower, and then told me he was taking my son to go meet with his brother (My A's Brother) This is after not speaking to me all morning. No explanation, no sorry, no nothing. I told him no way. I have heard the "I'm meeting with my brother" speech before, this is usually at the bar, or if it is at the office, they keep beer there because his brother drinks heavily. Sometimes I think he even lies and says he is meeting his brother, but really goes to drink. Anyway, I told him no he was not taking my son. When he asked me why, I said because I do not trust him. Of course he got all mad and screamed and yelled. Then he told me he was taking my car and I said no way, he could take the other car. He threw a major tantrum but I would not let him have the keys. I am not going to be stranded again. He finally left, after telling me to "Die, Bit#h"

And I just gave birth to his child two weeks ago.

He then came back shortly after this and just hung around for a couple of hours. I totally ignored him. I left to pick up my daughter from school, and when I came back, he was not here. So here I am typing.

I am so sick and tired of no apologies for anything. I am sick of being walked all over. I am sick and tired of trying to be understanding of someone elses problems and misfortunes in life, when they want to do nothing about them.

WHAT ABOUT ME? WHO CARES ABOUT ME? WHO TIPTOES AROUND MY FEELINGS AND MOODS AND TRIES TO MAKE LIFE BETTER FOR ME?

NO ONE!!!!!!!!!!

Sorry this is so long, and thank you for letting me vent . . .