Jilly6301

Hi everyone, I have been reading some of your threads, and find myself feeling less alone. I have never shared my story with anyone because I am so afraid of being judged. I hope that I can share it with you, and you can give me some guidance.

Basically, I have been with my boyfriend for 8 years, and he is a heroin addict. It has been off and on the whole time. Everytime he gets clean, I get so hopeful. About two years ago, he was doing well. Then he got injured at work, and had to have major back surgery. Well, the doctors obviously had him on prescription pain killers. After awhile, those were not enough, and now he is back on heroin. He claims he needs the relief, and I feel so torn. I know he is in pain, but sometimes I feel like he plays it up for an excuse to get high.

So, that brings us to the present. Tonight, I got home from work(he does not work due to injury) and he asked if he could borrow the car to run out. Stupid me says okay, about a half hour later, I get a phone call from the cops. He has been picked up for drug possession and outstanding warrants(that I knew nothing about). So I had to go to pick up the car.

I am so angry and hurt. Is it wrong for me to want to leave him after all this time? Am I stupid for having stayed as long as I have? I refuse to bail him out of jail. But that makes me feel bad. I have no one to talk to and I just feel like crawling in a ball and crying.

I've been reading about Al-Anon meetings. Are they helpful? How do you get into one?

I am so sorry for the long message, I am just out of ideas. I feel like I need to get out, I deserve so much better.

Thank you so much for listening, I am always here to listen in return.