It isn't him it's the disease. Love the man hate the disease..Detach with love..You have to let go or be dragged, or you end up crazier than they are. It is sad and hard. Go to lots of meetings. I went to lots of meetings over the summer and it didn't hurt me! I have accepted my XAH may drink and drug himself to death. He is a grown man I have to let him help himself. He has the same higher power. I am powerless over this damn disease. No contact is best for me. I have learned not to react to what he does,not be hooked by his tears,guilt, or manipulations. You are not alone.