hello and welcome!
As a four marriage veteran,
I connected to soemthing you said
about your H saying he drinks
because you won't have sex with him.
There comes a ritualistic 'line in the sand'
in bad relationships
where the couple is no longer 'making love'
to just one partner 'taking sex'.
From the phrasing in your post
I think you know exactly what I'm talking about.
The partner
takes and takes and takes and takes
and we respond by witholding intimacy
because it's the final thing we have left
that isn't being taken with nothing being given in return.
That in and of itself
is a war.
And that's no way to have to live.
No one wants a war
in their own living room
especially a silent war of power.
Alcoholics are selfish and self absorbed people.
I know.
I am one.
But I was also
a partner
who was taken and taken and taken from.
And being intimate
with the enemy in my own war
was the LAST thing I wanted to do
and ... I refused to do it.
I don't think you're on here
asking us in some silent way
to affirm you've done nothing wrong.
I suspect you're on this site
because you're nearing the end of this relationship
and you know it.
And I also suspect
you know exactly what you need to do.
We're here to support you and your decisions
but I cannot emphasise enough
the necessity of your having
3-D support.
Welcome welcome welcome!
ps - what's a sahm?