My journal since MAY of this year has told me over and over again that despite much counseling, AH continues to act exactly the same way, and actually was escalating.
I only wish I had kept it since the beginning of the marriage - 15 years ago. It would not have taken me this long to get out!
Every time I start to think that maybe he wasn't so bad, and maybe I was overly sensitive to his drinking and too hard on him...I look at my journal, and bam! smacked back into reality. I am profoundly grateful that my personal fog has lifted.