Sigh... I'm sorry Cess.
I've written the similar and have shared it with my xbf and it does no good. He never understood... he was never able to put himself in my shoes ... to see all the pain that *his* addiction causes.
I agree with the replies and that he has no reason to pull himself together. I mean - he still has *you*... but the thing is.... as he knows it from prior experience.... he still uses AND has you! Even though you are unhappy and not feeling good in the relationship - he still wants to make it work. But why? Really - deep down... why? That is what I would ask myself when it came to letting go of my xabf. Why would either one of us want to try to rescue this sinking ship when it's STILL filled with tons of water! None of the water is being let out~!!!! It's sinking whether or not I stress or don't stress; cry or don't cry; scream or don't scream.
I just told my xabf...... that there is no way that we could be together again.... TOO MUCH WATER ....... and also - I just will end up hurting him. In order for him to really get his life together - he has to do it himself and w/out me telling him what *I* want. He has to find and get what *he* wants..... and I am doing the same. For too long now - our lives... MY life ... had been revolved around him using, maybe using, is he using?, is he lying?, phew he's not using, what if he does use? etc. I'm over it. I know that there are answers to how to have serenity with a user/alcoholic.... I just wasn't able to implement them without costing myself and my boys major damage.
That was a bit of a ramble... *thinking of you*.
xo