Another stupid look
FB is just damn dangerous place.
I checked my page today and saw an update on a friends FB page. It was my XABF changing his relationship status from "single" to "in a relationship". Granted it's no shocker since it's been just about 8mth now, but it hit me hard. And the stupid thing is, it hooked me onto his page. And damn it, I started looking...
I had bumped into a coworker of his at a week long class I was taking back in Oct and I found this on my exs page:
"Ran into *** today. Thought you should know."
October 28 at 5:59pm via Facebook for iPhone ·
His response: "That's funny I got the first message from her in about 6 months today....Still very angry....."
October 28 at 7:05pm
He talks about it so ******* casual like I have no RIGHT to be angry?! Does he even comprehend what he put me through!? It just makes me feel so devalidated and ******* pissed off! Like did any of this happen at all? And why the **** post this on your page? And why does he even need to know I was there? I was in another damn state! What's the point in telling him? He wasn't even at the event. I did send him a message that day due to seeing a video on YouTube of him. I was with a bunch of people from the class and we were looking up videos on the subject we were studying and it linked to a video of him that some guy he didn't know took. They were making fun of him. He was skiing at his hill in a thong and wig with the new girlfriend. I couldn't believe it. I was actually embarrassed and didn't mention I knew him. It was taken 3 weeks after our breakup. When I saw it, I couldn't help it and sent a message with the link telling him what an ******* he was. Of course he didn't respond, except make a comment on FB about it. This should of been a private message. Like I'm some stupid bitter old girlfriend.
Then I start wondering why I want to matter so much in his life. WHY WHY WHY?!! Why can't I let go? I can't move on. I just feel so alone. I just feel really empty. And I can't talk to anyone anymore about it. I don't even want to talk to my therapist about it anymore. I feel defeated.
And a stupid part of me feels that maybe I made too big of a deal about his drinking. Nobody on his page seems to see it as a problem. The new gf jokes about him "double fisting". Every picture of him, he has a beer in his hand. I start thinking that maybe it was me. I was too concervative. Maybe I should of had a drink. I kept him from having all this fun. His drinking seems full force now and everything is a party. How stupid am I?
I know I need to work on me. I know. Focus on me and what I'm doing. Think I'm going to have to delete a few friends due to this otherwise I'll keep looking. I just wish this stupid feeling would be over and I wouldn't care anymore. I think the holidays aren't helping either. We had such a wonderful Xmas last year, and this year I'm alone.
**** him...