MY mil tried to do the same things as your bf's mom for him and towards me, so i know how you mist feel. i remember when i resented her for enabling him and her expecting me to do the same. it took a long tme for me to accept that i had no control over her or how she handled her son's addiction, but it was up to me whether or not i allowed her actions to effect me. it helped me to gently ecplain to her that it was better for me if when we do have conversations, it don't include anything concerning my ah. they both had a way of trying to convince me that i'm suppose to be there for him even though doing so was making me and the kids crazy.
sometimes no contact worked better for me when it came to the both of them. where to send a gift? since you are not responding, maybe they will figure that it might be best if its sent to him at his mom's. i'm glad to hear that you are not falling for all of this and is able to continue to keep focusing on you.