Originally Posted by
dothi 
These two statements contradict each other. Which do you really want - to not ask anything of him, or to have some healthy expectations for a supportive partner?
I have a feeling you want the second option, but for some reason you think you can't have the second option without going through the first option. The truth is healthy relationships don't work like this - you don't spend the beginning of it proving that you're worthy enough to be loved to then finally be rewarded with love. Love isn't a prize that someone's going to hand to you one day.
The KEY thing about breakups is to actually act like you're broken up. This may mean non contact. This may mean some distance. But most of all, it means taking a break from the other person's emotional haywire for a while. You are broken up. You do not have to prove that you were a good girlfriend by being a good friend now. Listening to how your ex is doing does not come after breakups. Neither do friendships - those take time to re-form, and don't happen automatically even if the relationship was top-notch.
Now, what could you use? (and yes, stuff that doesn't involve him)
Well, I wrote one last night and one this morning. Last night I was on the fence, until I realized he was drinking. I KNOW I can't ask for nothing of him and be with him. I just can't. Although, there's a part of me that wishes I could just care for him and expect nothing at all, I can't do it. I need someone I can count on too.
So ya, breaking up is breaking up. What could I use? I guess just what you guys are doing. Listening. Responding. (I love this forum). Good advice/reminders. For example, it's nice to hear that I don't have to prove that I was a good girlfriend by being a good friend now.
I'm planning a trip out of town with friends this weekend. That will really help. I need to go hang out with my horses and keep going to the gym. All the stuff I do that keeps me centered and happy. I'm just sad for us and worried for him. It's hard to shake that.
Thanks for your help.