SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information - View Single Post - Just broke up with him, worried he's on his way to drink

12-07-2009, 10:29 AM

# 13 (permalink)

dothi

Member

Join Date: Sep 2008

Location: Anywhere but the mainstream.

Posts: 402

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeepPedaling

I know if I would just BE there for him and not ASK anything of him, he'd be ok.

Quote:

Originally Posted by KeepPedaling

I think it's unhealthy to expect nothing from your partner. I think from your partner and your friends, you should expect affection, interest, validation, understanding, and truth.

These two statements contradict each other. Which do you really want - to not ask anything of him, or to have some healthy expectations for a supportive partner?

I have a feeling you want the second option, but for some reason you think you can't have the second option without going through the first option. The truth is healthy relationships don't work like this - you don't spend the beginning of it proving that you're worthy enough to be loved to then finally be rewarded with love. Love isn't a prize that someone's going to hand to you one day.

The KEY thing about breakups is to actually act like you're broken up. This may mean non contact. This may mean some distance. But most of all, it means taking a break from the other person's emotional haywire for a while. You are broken up. You do not have to prove that you were a good girlfriend by being a good friend now. Listening to how your ex is doing does not come after breakups. Neither do friendships - those take time to re-form, and don't happen automatically even if the relationship was top-notch.

Now, what could you use? (and yes, stuff that doesn't involve him)