I just wanted to say that my exabf accused me at one point of being the reason he used and that I nagged him all of the time with suspicions so it was my fault. It IS the biggest load of manipulative bs when they say that 'we don't care enough'. In the email his mother sent today, she said that I am a mother so I must understand her feelings...it just went on with what I mentioned before that he needs both of our help. I mean again, I know she means well but this is part of her attempt to control the situation. I used to feel at odds with her because I didn't see my own role in all of this and would even blame her for giving him money, even practically begged her not to give him money even if we were broke. It's just crazy how I can now see that I was playing the co-dependency part just as much as her and feel terrible that I even had the crazy notion, if she'd stop maybe he would stop...That makes me mad at myself. And I agree I am a loser for letting it get to me but that is why I am venting here, to get it off of my chest and not allow it to work. I did not talk back to her and I won't play into the guilt by contacting them but like recovery from addiction it is not an easy process to become cured, and the thought patterns, people, and situations that in a sense trigger the co-dependency in the first place can still trigger emotions and old behavior but I guess the first steps are identifying them and starting to find the strength to say NO MORE! Taking different actions to stop my old behavior and reactions right?
Thank you to everyone who replied...I really just needed help today, the phone calls have subsided and I feel a lot better and more ready to get back to my studies.