I'm kind of having the same problem...I know how you feel. It is hard not to get so consumed with all of the guilt they try to lay on you. I do have to tell myself that it will get better...everyday that passes I will get better at not allowing the nonsense their addiction brings to consume my life.
He poured it on pretty thick last night...saying I don't know how to love unconditionally and that if I would just be more accepting and not rag on him all the time then he would have an easier time quitting....BOY, you can only imagine how that made me feel...but I dug myself back out of the whole and I'm working on MYSELF today...
Hope your situation gets better and just know you have someone that knows what you are going thru...