KC- Is it obvious yet that you and alcohol don't work? I know you are not happy, and alcohol only makes it worse. You can only hide behind your prestigious job and material things so long before nothing in your life makes you happy. I know because I have been there. On the outside, everything seemed perfect with everything I wanted and needed. But on the inside I was an absolute wreck! It didn't matter what I HAD, nothing made me happy. My sponsor in AA said "you were sick and tired of being sick and tired." Hit the nail right on the head. So what are you going to do to make sure this doesn't happen anymore? I am SO glad you keep coming back to this thread. It is a great source of support. But obviously in your case you need more if you have been here 4 years and still struggling. So please ask yourself what you are going to do differently this time? PLEASE? And Don't think I am trying to be hard on you. I just care and hate to see you struggling. I know you are not happy, and we ALL want to see you that way! Big hug!
As for me, day 25 sober coming to an end. I am getting ready to grab a big glass of water and a blanket and curl up in my recliner with my wife and watch a movie. Probably a chick flick, since she picked it out! haha.
Hugs to a sober weekend everyone!