Has your partner gotten involved in AA at all if he wants recovery? I don't know if you have heard of it, but there is also Al-anon meetings all around for families and friends of alcoholics.
I forgot to mention before, but there are some 'stickies' at the top of this forum, permanent posts for reference which have some great material in them. I hope you give them a read.
Also I never meant to imply that your A was abusive to you, just merely sharing some of my story. Every A is different just like all the posters here have different stories too.
I found it helped in the early days to keep the focus on me; I found that my time was mostly spent thinking about my relationship, my A's drinking checking up on him etc, that I lost touch with myself!
Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx