Lilyflower

Welcome to the forum MerMaid. It is not easy to reach out for support and I'm glad you have. There is a lot of wisdom out there and a lot of advice, but also some hard times ahead. Being in an alcoholic's life leaves its print on us to, and taking a look at how that has impacted on ourselves can be liberating but also quite daunting.

When I first came here I had been with my then boyfriend for 5 years; he too had had a drink problem long before I met him, which I believe became more evident and escalated after we moved in together some 3 years into our relationship.

I had some really tough days and some big realisations with the support and home truths from some rather wonderful people on this site at that time, (you can see my early posts by clicking on my name).

I eventually ended my relationship which I began to realise was abusive; my ex became increasingly hostile toward me and became physically violent, pushing and shoving at first, but worse later on.

Everyone's story is different but strangely similar. Alcoholics tend to show common charactertraits and behaviours as a result of their addiction. Some stay some go, some find their A (alcoholic) dumps them! It is a personal journey for each.

You say...

and also...

My ex boyfriend also had bad stories about his ex. He told me so many negative things about her and what she had done to him, that I felt loathing toward her and pity for him.

I believed him utterly that when I found out that she had told his sister that he was physically abusive toward her, I didn't believe it and thought she was trying to cause trouble and was vindictive.

It was only as time went by that I found she was right about him. The sweet charming, loving man I thought he was became that abuser to me. She had tried to warn us all, his family and me but we were all so caught up in his charm and pain that we did not question him.

This may not be the case with your ex, I understand that, but my experience has taught me that if there is a bad history with an ex, best to seek her out, despite how you may feel toward her and get her side of things.

The only other thing I would say is that posting here is for you. It may not be beneficial to share this board with your partner. Think of this page as a support group for you. You may wish to come here as time goes on to share things that have happened with us and talk about that. What you want to share may not go down well with your partner and it is important that you feel you can share whatever you need to.

I've seen a few people who have had to change their account here or even leave completely because their A had read their posts and there had been some ugly consequences at home for her.

Lily xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx