My AH came home from what I suspect was gambling away $1400 borrowed secretly from his mother and a day of skipped work, on the day after our 2 yr wedding anniversary. He was crying and had a dozen beautiful flowers and our favorite bottle of wine.
He was crying as he told me he had driven to this place we'd been together once and contemplated killing himself. He said he wanted to die.
I said he should get some help, surprisingly unmoved by this. He ignored that part and went on about how I made him feel so badly about himself. I just didn't believe he was truly feeling so down if that was all he had to say about it. Within an hour the tears stopped and he was watching tv drinking a beer.
I think he wanted to be comforted.
Other times he brought up sexual abuse by his mother, proudly, telling me that he called her to confront her about it (again, he's done that a few times) because it apparently was really affecting him. I told him he should get help if he wants to work through those issues. He said, I confronted her about it, what do you want me to do?? As if that was enough to work out his issues, mentioning them. I said ok and that's great but that doesn't really solve any problems.
I just think if these men really are in a bad way and really want to get better, they will do more than go running to a spouse, crying, and tell them how awful their life is. They will put down the bottle, and seek out a counselor or some other help. Hopefully this isn't cruel thinking?