I lived with an alcoholic for years and my life was a sad desperate attempt to change him. I was left broken and torn. I was very angry!! we had a child there was always one more promise one more chance to change.
I drank on occasion and often got drunk but was able at that point to take it or leave it. As my pain got worse I eventually started drinking with my partner and before I knew it was in the height of addiction myself.
My partner got sober through a 12 step program and I was horrified I could not stop drinking. each time I tried I failed....I said things like "I will just have one" I meant it and I NEEDED that one! but once I got that one I was off again. I was so ashamed and broken AGAIN but this time it was me.
Just as I was powerless over my husbands addiction I was also powerless over mine.
I also hated alcoholics and had suffered at their hands for years. first my father then my partner and yet here I was also alcoholic. I was more effected as a child from my mothers behaviour to the alcoholic than the alcoholic himself. my mothers still a very angry woman who never sought help so the family suffer at her hands. always shouting and in bad form. as a child I remember her cancelling holidays cause my father drank! we all suffered!
However back to today .....I eventually got sober and stayed sober. we live a very happy life today. both of us in long term sobriety.
I learned some valuable lessons.
I cannot change anyone else! I can only work on my own issues and that includes my own anger. I must own my own feelings regardless where they might be coming from.
Alcoholics are NOT assholes they are sick people. They do not choose to be alcoholic.
If you wish to help an alcoholic, start by taking care of yourself. That was my experience at least.I Decided what I need to do for me. decide if i can live in the situation or not.
I am powerless over an alcoholic just as the alcoholic is powerless over the drink!
Two of my brothers are alcoholic and I choose to stay out of their lives. I just will not be around the crazy stuff. If they ever get sober they are welcome back into my life . I pray for both of them every day even though I sometimes recieve their nasty calls. They are sick and do not choose to be so unhappy.
WE HAVE CHOICES.