The horror of withdrawl helps me not go back there too. That is one type of hell I have no interest subjecting myself too ever again.
I just keep playing things I hear at meeting over and over in my mind...you never have to use again, you never have to go through withdrawal again, you're remembering only the highs, don't forget the lows that brought you here...and of course...keep coming back!
I don't crave the drugs...I crave the escape, when the going gets tough...heck, I just want to know I have an ace up my sleeve. that if I can't handle what the day throws at me, I have an escape. Using gave me that...I could escape for a little while. But the prices was too high. The people in NA tell me I can escape...without the hangover, without the depravity, without all that crap that made me feel even worse once the stuff wore off. And I want that, and they tell me they can show me how to get it. I wan that "high" that doesn't wear off, that is real, that is based on something other than whether or not I can get a fix.
so I am doing what they are doing, and I've strung together more clean days than I ever did alone. And even though I feel pretty empty and clueless, I never feel hung over or ashamed of what I've done. And the meetings are free, no other fix I had ever came without a price tag.
anyway, that's all I got