Whats wrong with ME?
I have issues. Serious ones. Ones that I have a hard time controlling. No, I am not an alcoholic and I don't use drugs. But I have another addiction....my exah. I guess you would say I am a dry drunk when it comes to him and any crumb he may throw my way I gobble it up and fall off the wagon.
He has been friendlier and nicer lately. Been saying how much he misses us (again) and how he wants us to see what happens with us for a future. Said he ended it with married gf.
What do I do? I fall emotionally...hard. I try really hard at first to stand my ground and not believe him because he has done this so many times before. I know he is into instant gratification. He hates being tied down and needs an ego lift...go have an affair. He misses his family....start spending time with us. Then the cycle repeats.
Thankfully nothing physical has happened but I have really liked the attention. I haven't had a drop of attention in over 1 1/2 years since he left. Its just been baby and I. My memories of the past were still around, but I thought "what if its different this time? What if he really means it?"
Nevermind that he isn't sober. My huge thing with him...besides the cheating. He may be managing it better, but he isn't sober. Is that all of a sudden ok? Wow!
I haven't snooped in a long time. I did this morning and glad I did. There were emails in the past week from married gf begging, pleading, bargaining for him to come back and need her. I felt sorry for her for a split second and then remembered she has a husband and children at home. His responses to her were he needs to take care of his family. He still cared about her, but needs to do this. She didn't take that well. I noticed he always left a crack in the door with things like "right now I need to do this...maybe down the line....I will always care about you..etc". But just 6 hours ago he wrote her telling her he was thinking about her and how shi**y things were but he wanted her to know he loves her.
He hasn't changed...he is still the cake eating awful person he was. Please don't slam me for snooping. In cases like this, it brings me back to reality. I was so stupid and so weak. I always think I am stronger when he isn't paying any attention to me, but then he talks and acts differently and I crumble.
I have an addiction too. But its not a substance. Its exah and the feeling of being loved.