(((Zebra))) You MUST forgive yourself. Something I am learning is that recovery is going to be ongoing, lifetime of a process. Some may NEVER drink again and some may slip up occassionally. I see it happen so often. Read about it a lot on the boards :( It's disheartening at times, but unfortunately, I think it is the reality of the disease. The most important thing - I think - is that you keep trying to abstain from alcohol. That's all we can do, right? I know an alcohol addiction is more dangerous than food addictions, but I look at people who are addicted to eating...or smoking...things other than alcohol...many people fall off the wagon for whatever it is they are trying to rid from their lives. You just gotta keep trying. I can imagine how frustrating it must feel to "technically" lose those days, but for what it's worth, in MY BOOK, they are not lost. You earned them and noone can EVER take them away. Keep on keeping on. Chin up and keep moving in the right direction. Focus on all the important things in your life. Those are what really matter :) Alcohol does NOT define any of us...LOVE to you, my friend :)