Thanks for the support, Brent :)
I honestly cannot say that it was a slip. I have never stopped drinking socially, except for back in August when I was trying to break my daily drinking habit...which I did. In September, I was working toward giving up alcohol COMPLETELY, but I failed. I never returned to daily/weekly drinking. I've been rid of that since August...coming up on four months of that :) It's the occassional drinking that I have not been able (or really tried) to give up. I was trying to explain that it hasn't been my intention to moderate, but that's what I've been doing, I guess? It's hard because even though we are all dealing with some sort of alcohol addiction/habit/alcoholism, we really aren't comparing apples to apples. Or maybe we are...just different varieties?? LOL I don't know...I go two to three weeks before I am faced with a situation where I might drink. I very, very rarely ever think about wanting a drink. If I do, it's very easy for me to just pass the thought. But like this past Thursday, I had poured myself a San Pellegrino with lime and then my brother offered me a beer. Just like that, I said, "Sure." There was NO thought. I had two beers and didn't want another. But the way they made me feel was concerning. And then the next day I was paranoid and depressed just as if I had gotten wasted. It's like the smallest amount effects me. I don't know...it really is a "no-brainer" and I don't know why I'm even trying to understand it. The answer is to not drink at all. I guess I'm just having a hard time facing the truth...that I won't be returning to my "old self" even though not drinking comes so easily to me. It just makes no sense. See? There I go again. It is what it is. I need to accept this. Perhaps I need to spend more time coming to terms with this. It's just so hard when it's not something that effects me on a day-to-day basis. It's just very easy for me to forget that I have a problem. When I speak about drinking socially, I am not talking about something that happens on a weekly basis. If it were happening like that, it would be more obvious to me that I need to be preparing myself to "not drink". Okay, for instance, I cannot tell you the next time I will be in a situation where there will be alcohol present. We will be spending Christmas with my husband's family and they do not drink. There isn't even any alcohol there. We could bring some, but we never do. I don't know...I'm just FRUSTRATED. I did not intend to drink on Thanksgiving. But I did and then I had drinks on Friday and Sunday. I have no desire to continue drinking and I can honestly say that I won't and not because I am trying. It's just how I feel. I don't need or want it. So I feel like I'm sort placed into this strange situation where I *should* be able to have drinks on occassion, but I can't because of the way it makes me feel. I suppose I need to do more preparing in advance. For instance, if there is something coming up where I know I might drink, I should tell you all about it and state my intentions to not drink. Ack...I'm blabbing when what I really need to do is stop thinking and dwelling and GET BUSY!