Hugs, Husky. I don't have much in the way of wisdom to share but feel free to talk it out. Ya know, in private messages I have traded phone numbers with a few people here. I'm pretty careful about who I choose for this and it's not for everyone; by all means I don't normally suggest handing out your phone number to perfect strangers on the Internet. But it has come in handy a couple times when I was on the edge and needed someone to talk to. I don't really have a face-to-face support system but just talking was what I needed at the time.
There was once a person here who briefly considered making her own program, because she couldn't find one that worked for her. She has since disappeared but I don't think it's a bad idea.Working together with a group to figure out new ways to stay sober is a great idea!
Truth be told, last week when I said I got in a fight with my roommate and it "almost" got physical.... we're both pretty bruised up. We both drank and started arguing and next thing we knew we were waking up with bruises. It was stupid, we don't even know what we were arguing about. And it's not like he just beat the hell out of me or something, he would never intentionally injure me. I pushed him back because he was yelling in my face and he grabbed me and shoved me out of his room, stepping on my foot, kicking me in the shins, and shutting the door on my arm in the process. And completely not on purpose, he was actually trying to get me out of the room so things didn't escalate further because we both know if we get in a fight I'm going to get hurt, not him. But while all that was going on I was sort of drunkenly flailing around and we both ended up with some nasty bruises. It's never been that bad, we never used to argue until we became roommates. And when we're sober we don't argue. Alcohol brings out the worst in both of us.
As for me, I had an extremely productive day. This is the sort of day when I really enjoy being sober. All those projects I have put off all semester are coming due and it's definitely crunch time here in Academia. So today I finalized a term paper, wrote a presentation based on that paper, wrote my part of a group presentation and report, and wrote summaries of 4 lectures that I missed when I fell off the wagon mid-way through the semester (I was too coked out to attend a conference. Luckily I mentioned to a classmate that I was sick and missed the conference and he provided the lecture summaries. So I summarized summaries. But at least I'll get a grade, even if it's not a good one. That prof is pretty tough, but I got the only A he gave out in 2 years and he's liked me ever since. I'm banking on that).
That leaves me with 2 more reports I wanted to get done today. I think I still have time before bed, but I had to take a break. I felt like my brain was about to self-destruct. Monday I have an exam so I'll spend all day tomorrow studying for it. And after that I have one more project and one more exam before my semester is over. The end of the semester is always a sprint to the finish.