I'm not a 23-year-old male. I'm a 41-year-old female. So, take it for what it's worth when I say I can relate to you, at least in the way I felt in early sobriety (I was 34 when I got sober, single mother, with disabilities -- not that I'm trying to set myself any further apart from you). I'm with you on the lows -- those, I could do without, but where on Earth was I going to feel the rush if I didn't have booze and drugs to fuel it? There are a few threads on BPD (borderline personality disorder) around here. I haven't replied yet, but I can tell you, that was me -- diagnostically and literally. I did not feel comfortable unless there was something going on and I was right in the middle of it.
And I'm probably in the minority of 12-step folks when I tell you that I love my emotions. I embrace my emotions. They are mine, damn it, and I refuse to short-circuit them because of some insane fear that having emotions will cause me to drink. Now, I'm not talking about resentments or fears (those have no constructive value, plenty of destructive potential and arise out of ego) -- but passions? elation? true my-friggin-heart-is-broken sadness? Those emotions are mine and they're what make me human. The problem comes when I think I can't experience them without chemical enhancement, as though being the human I am isn't enough. If alcoholism/addiction could be treated the same way bi-polar disorder is (better lop off those highs and lows!), why the hell would we need the steps?
I'll tell you what I discovered. By taking and living the steps, I can experience the full spectrum of healthy human emotion because the steps remove my selfish egocentricism from them. I can sing and dance and laugh and have a good time -- or feel sad and grieve and experience loss without the fear of getting drunk over any of it.
So, this old lady is telling your young self to hang in there, ground yourself in the steps and make them the way you live your life -- and when you get to school, you'll find lots of healthy ways to swim in the stream of life without fear of drowning. There were points in my first year sober that I was bored stiff, and I'm glad I didn't give in to the urge to "make something happen." Things happen every day without any instigation from me, and I get to be a positive part of them. I can't tell you how awesome that is (so you'll have to just hang in there and experience it for yourself).
Peace & Love,
Sugah