I think what is getting to me is that living for tomorrow appraoch as opposed to living in the second as it is when bang on the booze and drugs and just mashing it up listening to tunes.
Sure on paper everything is working out as a result of being sober and going to AA meetings and applying the steps in my life. I have a full time job and have never had a day off sick, I am applying for University next year, I have my driving license back, i have a car that is taxed, insured with fuel in. But I cant help feeling I am too young to be doing all of this sobriety and AA at my age and something just feels uneasy and just too clean and well-mannered about it all.
I never thought I would be at home with my parents on a Saturday night at 23 when i was younger. WTF. Sometimes I just get bored and sad and wonder...
I ain't gonna drink but I just feel so scared and unable to meet with people as drinking and the banter that comes with it is where i feel at home. Sure i can talk well and come across well but something just feels missing.
I guess I'm just bored and I ain't sure at 23 I want to be filling that void with a higher power/meetings etc. Can all get so depressing at times.
Is this just my alcoholism talking to me? or is this just the normal, rational thoughts of a 23 year old male who is afraid to commit to doing/seeing anyone as he is petrified of that first drink but at the same time has so much in common with people in general in regards to partying/drinking and feels like he is having to cut all of this off.