hi 087never
Do you do any kind of recovery programme?
For many of us it's just not enough to just not drink.
I think support is vital - SR is great - but you sound so up against the wall I think maybe some face to face support would be useful.
The time to act is now. You don't want to go back there - if you're anything like me you can lose weeks or even months when drinking.
Think about it. Call somebody.
D