I decided to go into recovery when I saw that what had started as a coping mechanism had become the thing that was now consuming my life and killing me.
When my own behavior disgusted and frightened me enough, when it had nearly killed me on multiple occasions, when it was destroying my relationships, when I realized I was totally out of control...I considered recovery.
Even after that I needed several months of reading, dancing with the idea, arguing with myself, talking to recovering addicts, and ugly idiotic relapses before I was ready to really do this thing.
then, after I got clean...I had to struggle, argue, debate,and say "sh*t...this isn't for me" before I'd commit to a program, then I had to haul my butt to a number of meetings.. and hear a bunch of addicts talk about their lives and realize that I was just like them...and think, "hey, maybe if it worked for them...it could work for me"...
that's what it took
and I'm sure hoping it 'takes'
everyone's "bottom" looks a little different, your experience may vary