Hello brokendown100 and welcome to this forum. You have taken the right step by seeking help in helping you understand what is going on in you relationship and how to "fix" the problem both of you are facing. Addiction is a VERY complex disease which can leave a non-user-untrained-person puzzled, helpless, and confused.
It seems that you are asking for help in trying to get you to accept "the habit" your BF has (please clarify if this is not so)? Unfortunatly, the purpose of this forum is not get us to accept destructive "habits" but to help us in overcoming them so we can have a sober life. Additionally, those close to addicts also find support in helping them cope with the situations they are facing.
With that said, I can tell you that your BF shows clear signs of addictive behavior. His denial and defensive attitude towards you when confronted says it all. In fact, it has gone so far to the point where YOU are also in denial of the problem he is having and are now seeking ways to rationalize his behaviour and blaming yourself for not accepting his "habits".
IMO, recovery starts with acknowledging that a problem exists and that it requires immediate and full attention. Addicts come in all shapes and sizes. Some have very important positions in society and live otherwise "normal" lives. The mainsteam concept of an addict being someone that's in gutter and/or full of needle holes only amounts to a VERY small percentage of the population suffering from this disease.
For now, you should stop rationalizing, minimizing, and accepting his addiction.
Also, read as much as you can from this forum. There is a section dedicated to those who are living with someone that suffers from this disease. That should be a good place to start.
I wish both of you the best and if you need anything just let me know via pm.
