nothappy

We are renewing our life insurance policies. They still have 5 years on them but if we renew now we can extend them for less than if we wait. Last March I was refered to a neurologist because a doctor I saw is concerned I may have MS. The neurologist ordered a brain MRI. I diid not feel comfortable with the neurologist. A couple of weeks after the MRI, I called her office because I hadn't heard anything. Someone got back to me and said the MRI was normal. I didn't expect to have MS but I was kinda surprized to hear my brain was normal. So, I know "normal" is what I was told. I recently picked up a copy of my MRI to take to my regular doctor. I read the report and it did not say normal, it didn't even rule out MS. I knew I shouldn't trust that neurologist. Anyway, I haven't been talking about any of this with my AH. He new about the test but that's all. There's no reason for me to think he'd show any empathy towards me so I keep my feelings about it all to myself.

I had to tell him (in the morning when he wasn't drunk) I couldn't fill out the life insurance forms because they ask questions I don't know the answers to... if I die, they could refuse to pay because my records show MS is possible. He was furious with me for self diagnosing and making him worry for no reason. I lost it for a few seconds, said, "this is not about you, it's about me..." He had no right to get upset with me, if anyone had the right to get upset it was me and I thought I was making as little of it as possible. Then I said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't get mad at you for reacting the way you do. You are who you are and it would be foolish of me to expect anything different from you."

A few days later, he was mad at me for accusing him of sending a very innappropriate photo of me to a male aquantance of mine via my e-mail. He did this years ago (when he was a dangerously psycho drunk before). I confronted him about it when I found out. He didn't deny it and by that time things had already hit the fan and he was on antiabuse so I let it go. So now it's years later and he's claiming he never even got into my e-mail.... Well that's a big fat lie but he is a pathaalogical liar so there's no surprize. Quack quack, quack.

See what happens when I don't keep the boys out until he's passed out? At least the boys went straight to bed when we got home so they were asleep when this happenned.

I know, I know... why am I still here? It's only a few more weeks until the boys and I head for the mountains for 4 months and then we'll only have to see AH when he comes up on the weekends. I already have the truck half packed.