Omg_lawyer_today
I guess I was waiting for that push.. I asked my HP to give me a sign to tell me I had done everything I could and to give me the strength to let go of the good and walk away...
This weekend was it. I took a walk and went bowling w/ a friend friday and AH flipped his sh*t over it, saying I wanted to be single and wasn't a good wife, etc.
Saturday I went grocery shopping and cooked some food while he drank and slept .. when he got up I offered him some but he said since i didn't cook it SPECIFICALLY for him then I was a pig and selfish and he didn't want my sloppy seconds, it was really really harsh.
He left for a bit and he came back around 5 while I was watching a show on my laptop in the living room, and he had an open case of beer that he was drinking who knows where... never seen this before. He started STRAIGHT IN with every insult he could think of, chasing me around the house spitting venom at me in the worst ways possible, insulting me for things as private as sex acts and personal issues, all the way to wild accusations of me sleeping with other people and he was laughing at me and had that hyde look in his eyes. He stood outside the bathroom while I was using it and insulted me non stop until I came out. I kept leaving the room, not engaging, telling him to stop but he kept following me. He'd stop for a minute then come back in teh room with more ammunition. etc etc etc.. I could go on, it was AWFUL.
Thank you HP maybe I needed that. The things he said he can NEVER take back, and I don't think I could ever get over them. It's so disgusting.
I called the lawyer and set up our initial consultation TODAY. AH drank all day saturday, was up till 2 am drinking still when I got home from my friend's, and was drinking all day sunday in the dark watching tv, snoring and passed out on the couch. He ate and drank the things I bought from the store, still has paid for nothing, and leaves a mess. I spent sunday working around the house and cleaning and he told me why should he care, it's not his problem.
WOW. Okay, now I'm ready.
I'm still scared.. I feel like crying, I had to tell my boss that i was going to see a divorce lawyer later, I felt it was time to tell the truth there because I know I'll need some leniency on my hours for this stuff.
I just want him out of my life. He's sending emails and making wild threats at me about how he knows i can't take care of the house and one sec he says i can have it all because he doesn't want anything that reminds him of that 'resentful hateful bitch of a wife he married' and the next minute he's saying it's all his. One sec he says he'll pay my parents back the 20k he used for his failed business because he's that kinda guy, the next sec he says he won't do it unless I provide proof of my bank accounts over the past month (I moved my money all into a separate account with the remaining couple thousand my parents gave us for his business a month ago). He has been cashing his paycheck and not contributing, gambling or whatever it is.
blah blah blah I"m sure I've said it all before.
Point being, I'm meetnig with the expensive immigration/divorce attorney today and I don't care what it costs it's worth it, get me out of this h*llhole of a marriage I am stuck in. What happened to the man who loved me? I guess maybe he was just using me.. I don't know, I believed him. I believed that he cared but maybe this is all the disease taking over. It's scary, it's sad, and I'm freaked out. But I need to do this. Happy holidays, right? All I want for christmas is my life back!
welcoming myself to many long years of financial struggle... but freedom from this jerk.