My xah was using...drinking ....but still passed all the tests. You need to think about you. My therapist said my integrity got me out.....that feeling icky...pissed all the time....mine xah never changed.. I did with alot of meetings....alanon and coda . It was sad and hard....but one day out with my girlfriends I heard myself laugh out loud and I went whoa....i am laughing and I will be ok. I got sick and tired of being sick and tired of his choices....