Originally Posted by
naive 
hi opus-
you also state he has a few DUIs under his belt (as did mine) so you have good cause to believe that he will drink and drive. what if he does this with the children in the car? or the baby?
Oh, if he ever tried to do that with their his children or the baby in the car, I would be straight on the phone to the police, no questions asked. I would do this with anyone else too - kids and alcohol do NOT mix!
Originally Posted by
naive may i ask, what is going to change once the new baby arrives?
If nothing, I'm out. Gone. Totally *poof* - I told him that, and his whole family too!
Originally Posted by
naive may i ask, has he ever thrown anything or punched a door in anger?
Honestly, yes, he's punched a door - twice. Never thrown anything - my ex did that - used to break my stuff to intimidate me. AP had punched a door, twice. Different doors.
Originally Posted by
naive my concern is that once you have this new little girl, you will really be trapped there and he will have rights to the child. you have a window of opportunity here, prior to the birth.
I am not worried about his standing up in court, should it come to that, and winning any substantial rights to see a tiny baby. He'd be well advised to come to an out of court agreement with me concerning that, if it were to come to it, because there'd be no way in hell I'd leave her with him if he were drinking. Period. And I am well prepared already to show evidence that he's not to be trusted during any kind of alcoholic relapse... I've got my evidence already...
Originally Posted by
naive may i ask, have you told anyone about what is going on? does your mother know? your friends where you live?
Yep, several of my friends know (one has offered me her upstairs to stay in), my mother knows, his mother knows (and is on my side), his brother knows (and is on my side), his sister knows (and has also offered me a place to stay) - so I'm not keeping quiet about it. There was a time, of course, where I was trying to fix everything and not let his little secret out, but that's been gone now for a few months.
Originally Posted by
naive the fact that he hasn't drank for a week is par for the course. i would imagine he senses a shift in you and is quiet and calm, feeling your withdrawal.
I agree!
Originally Posted by
naive i hope that you keep talking here, as things unfold. you will receive good support here.
I most certainly will
Originally Posted by
naive what i discovered once i opened my mouth to those who loved me, was that the offers of help came flooding in. things which appeared insurmountable quickly solved themselves.
You are right - the living with him thing is not something I am bound to, with two other places to go. I am just trying to give him the most time I can to "see the light" by himself, as it were. I can't change him, but I can give him a little time. I'm self employed, so it doesn't really matter where I work from. I'm quite free to leave at any time, and I do feel empowered by that fact.
Originally Posted by
naive one last question, i know that you have all of your things packed, but do you have a getaway bag? i felt much better once i had one small backpack, with critical things, like my passport, birth certificate, a piece of paper with all account codes and phone numbers i might need, as well as a bit of cash.
I've been thinking I should do this actually! A few things for me and the baby and the passport, etc etc. I think I will get that into a bag, or a couple of bags in the next couple of days. Having my stuff all together is awesome, but you totally hit the nail on the head - the last thing I want to be doing in the event of an emergency is lugging 17 bin bags full of clothes to the car
Thank you
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