Oh no Naive, your post didn't step over any boundaries at all. You made some really good points. Problem is, the money issue really isn't solvable, to begin with - not at all - I don't have a lick of cash and unfortunately there's just no way I can snap my fingers and generate a plane ticket. And the car is not going to pay for itself - I've been here for five years: I've got friends here, stuff here I wouldn't be able to take back to England. I really rather like it here - I like the nature; the surroundings; my community of which I've become a part. I'd love to visit my folks right now and have them give me a hug and feel my great big belly, but boy - where you you come up with that kind of cash at the drop of a hat? *shrugs*
I know if I were to leave him here, I'd have safe places to go. I wouldn't be worried about that, and I'm not at all worried about my physical safety (having been in a relationship with a really physically abusive man - my ex - I know just what the signs of
that are!) - just the mental safety of myself and my baby girl.
Additionally the custody thing isn't worrying me in the slightest. The last few times he's gotten very drunk and yelled, I've been prepared: I've recorded him on a little voice recorder. So, should he try to fight for some kind of custody if it ever got that far, I've got one up on him. Sounds devious but I know what needs to be done to stop an active alcoholic from being around a little baby when drunk, if it comes to that... I'm all about protecting the baby.
Naturally I also hate to see a person go down in flames and lose the THIRD child in his life because of his own stupidity (this time). It's frikken tragic! Nevertheless, it's about the future generation.
At this point, it's been a week since he's been drunk. It's still rather nice - he's being reasonable, friendly and pretty relaxed, which is nice. We'll just take one day at a time, as usual, I guess...
Today's been another good day. I'm about to make cookies; I've organized some gifts for people to send out; done a little work; had a nice long nap
I feel good today, calm, relaxed. My baby is relaxed. At this moment in time (and what more do we have?) everything is calm. My stuff is all in the spare room, but I feel good about that because it means, should anything take a turn, I could just load it into the car and leave. I feel I am in control of my own life, which is all one can really be in control of...
Hope that rambling made sense!
