View Single Post
Old 11-21-2009, 06:56 AM
  # 8 (permalink)  
isurvived
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: back from the brink
Posts: 457
I had a similar situation with my AH (now my XAH). So, I can tell you a bit what to expect — from my experience. My divorce took TWO years!

A bit of history... we were married for 27 years. His drinking wasn't always a problem. It started out many years ago, and slowly built into a major problem in our lives. It sneaks in - especially in my case... my AH didn't drink in front of me, it was always hidden. In earlier years, when the first bump in the road indicated a problem, I gave him a choice "treatment or divorce" - he chose treatment. 30 day inpatient. After that he was sober for 2 years or so (never sure about that as he was a hider) and two subsequent treatment stints over the next 20 years. He was a salesman, and traveled during the week - a good opportunity to drink as much as he liked where I wouldn't find out.

He ran up credit card after credit card... said they were for his lodging and meals on the road. The company reimbursed him, but somehow the funds never really reached the repayment purpose. Many times his paycheck just wasn't there... and we started to fall behind with everything. A financial mess. At the time of his last treatment we filed for bankruptcy, and had a fresh start. At this point I was ready to bail. He went out and purchased a new truck, at a high interest rate - and the bills began to mount again.

The last couple years of our marriage brought a job loss, and he began to drink more. Still secretive... I'd find bottles hidden all over. He denied it of course, said they were from a "long time ago" - typical excuse. One day, he had an accident - and broke his leg in many places. That was "it" for me. I could see the handwriting on the wall!

He was also verbally abusive, both to me and our sons. So much so, it was a scary atmosphere at home. Eggshells magnified! The verbal abuse turned into physical as well, and I filed for a restraining order. He was jobless, and now homeless. I filed for divorce a week later.

The process took two years. I had a good attorney. He moved away, and got help from a family member, got a meager job. He had his wages garnished for child support (meager job = meager child support). I had a mess to clean up. Bills upon bills.

I live in a 50/50 state, and that is the way it panned out... in spite of his shortfalls, mistakes, broken promises... the court looked at it in "black and white" - he walked away with half of everything. Very unjust, but I had to accept it and move on. The freedom I have now is worth a million. How someone can ruin a family, both emotionally and financially and walk away with a lifetime of assets is beyond me.. but there is justice from a higher source and that will come to pass I am sure. On the other hand, he made his choice (alcohol over his family) and now he has no family.

I will say it is good to document everything you have on him. It helps a lot. When the law says 50/50, that is what it means... including HIS stocks, retirement, EVERYTHING... debts, physical assets... it's all split 50/50. Your lawyer will fight for you, and if he or she doesn't - get a new lawyer!

Above all, let go and let God set your path. I've had so many miracles happen to me over the course of these two hard years... it's amazing. I give thanks every day.

Best of luck to you!
isurvived is offline