Last night I met some friends I haven't seen in a while and hung out at the bookstore with them. Tonight I went to the City for dinner and shopping with a couple old friends, people I knew before I was a druggie. I've been really down lately and through the nerdy jokes and giggles I remembered what it's like to just have normal fun.
My "fun" for so long has involved egotistic guys puffing up to look tough, doing insane things that could easily get you arrested, etc. And it was so fun to not have to worry about the cops pulling me over (I guess they could have but I'm not exactly scared of speeding tickets at this point), not have to worry about someone getting offended and pulling a gun, and not having to worry about all the stuff that goes along with that druggie lifestyle.
Instead I had soup for dinner, went to the mall, bought candles and a keyring, went for dessert, and had more fun doing it than I ever really had on a given night doing drugs. No fears, no worries, and nothing negative. When I was doing drugs I thought that was normal, everyone does something (even just pot or beer, but "everyone does it, man!") but guess what? Not true! Normal people don't have to be intoxicated to feel happy. And I was substance free and happy tonight.
I remember now that there was a time when I was optimistic, when I thought I was a good person, made good choices, and liked who I was. And seeing these people from that time made me know it's ok. The person I was is still there.