Teke, with love in my heart what I see is you trying to change her so she'll stop trying to change him and let him find his own way, yes?
I was an enabler for years, until I finally realized that nothing I did helped and I reached out for my own recovery. But until that time, I didn't listen to people who tried to help me, because I didn't think they "understood".
What you said to her was true, but her ears cannot hear it. And we just can't do anyone else's recovery for them, whether addict or codie.
I know you meant well, I know how hard it is to watch someone we love help someone we love by enabling.
Our journey is to save ourselves and pray for them. And maybe, one day, they will see our light and choose to follow our path.
Hugs