Life can be hard and hearing stories like this reminds me how much harder for others then what I have gone through.
I am sorry for you loss and happy for you new arrival.
The blaming thing he does about the loss of your child.... yes understandable how hard it was on him as you show kindness towards him in your words obviously understanding it yourself. I would think even better then he. Again, I am so sorry for that loss. However, you are minimizing how serious the abuse he is dishing out on you is in this. It IS NOT understandable that he would blame you!!!!!!!!! That is herendously abusive towards you!!!!!! Understanding that one has pain is on thing, judging rightly the bad behavior that comes through pain is another. This stuck out to me as a clear example of the many minimizings of his behaviors, in mixing up kindness of understanding with the right to make a balanced judgement on his abuses towards you. this is a clear example of being beyond an issue of understanding and empathy/sympathy.
Being told this is a serious abuse to live with! I am so sorry you ever had to hear words like this said to you in your own grid and pain. When i read this part in my heart and head I said, " JERK, this is good enough reason alone for her to leave and separate without any other reason, and she has many!"
love tammy