I told him any contact with that lunatic will result in divorce-
Were you serious? Or were you making a threat to try to control his behavior?
I've found that an honest boundary that keeps me safe is something I don't need to share with another living soul! If my boundary is "I will not tolerate being spoken to or treated in such and such a manner" then I don't allow myself to be spoken to or treated in such and such a manner. Period. I leave the room, leave the area, leave the relationship, - whatever it takes.
If I tell someone "if you speak to me thusly I will not tolerate it" and then when they speak to me I tolerate it and nothing changes then 2 things become the reality:
1. I was only trying to control someone by issuing a threat.
2. I just gave this person permission to treat me any dang way they choose since I tolerated the thing I announced was untolerable to me.
I need to know in my heart what kind of relationships I want in my life. And then it is up to me to create those relationships with eyes wide open. I cannot force a square peg to turn round - I accept it as square. If square isn't what I want then I have to accept that and either learn to love square or move on down the road. It's all in me.
peace-
b