How do I let go?
My story is no different from so many I have read. I married the absolute love of my life 12 years ago. Unfortunately however, the last five of those twelve have been pure hell. What was once a casual and social thing turned into full blown alcoholism for him and lives were destroyed.
Currently he is in rehab for the third time in 18 months and not because he really wanted to go but because it was the better option. The first time he stayed sober 22 days. The second time he made it all of 9 days. Then came a DUI and a trip to jail. After that I threw him out and filed for a divorce and he went 33 days without a drop. So you can guess what's coming next.....I took him back.
I feel like such a fool. I know my friends think I am a fool. And yet I still love this man. Today his family and I made the painful decision that this time when he is discharged none of us will be going to get him. None of us will be taking him in. We know we have been horrible enablers and rescuers and we pray that somehow this might be the one thing that saves his life. I have told his counselor that they will need to help him find a place to go. He has no job. He has no money. I am so scared for him.
I am also so angry. I am so sad. This man has destroyed me financially. He has done terrible things to me. He has embarassed and humiliated me. And yet I have hung on to the hope that someday the man I married is coming back to me.
Now I must accept that he isn't ever coming back. I must let go of all the dreams we shared and the plans we made. I know I must love myself more than I love him and let him go. I must start to spend the energy taking care of myself that I have always spent taking care of him. I get up every day and put one foot in front of the other and then I breath and hope it will hurt a little less than the day before. Can anyone help me with how to let him go?