BuffaloGal

*hugs*

No matter how many people feel like this, we still get to go through it by ourselves. I feel that hole, and I'm afraid I'm going to live another 40 years with it. I can't imagine ever living with my former husband again, but I can't imagine having the same kind of relationship with anyone else either. I kind of feel like that part of me got used up in my marriage.

Sure, there are other men out there that I'm attracted to, companionship is not a problem if I don't want it to be. I have a boyfriend whom I care about very much, and it's mutual, but it hasn't filled up the void one bit. He and I went on a vacation one time, and it was great, right up to the point where we drove past a campground where my former husband and I and our baby had gone camping when things were good. I looked out the window so I could bawl without him seeing it.

I have a couple of friends who have recovered from losing their husbands, one to divorce and the other to a brain tumor, who have moved on to new relationships that they're glowingly happy in. But I'm not one of them. I've actually done better to accept that about myself than to try to force myself to get out there and shop for a new soul mate. I'm not ready, I may never be ready-- I don't know. OK, so be it. We lose things as we get older, that's what life does to us.

I have inner peace and a great life; I'm a lot happier than I ever was when I was married, I have a lot more friends and am training for a better job, my daughter and I have a great relationship. I have a boyfriend who doesn't drink or lie-- and no matter how much I miss my former husband, to be able to trust my SO feels fabulous. I wasn't crazy, or too demanding, or have standards that were too high. This is how relationships are supposed to be.

I know exactly what you're talking about There are lots of us out there... treat yourself well, especially during the holidays, don't let the void eat you up.

BG