Hello all, don't know if you remember me, Kotabear, been working alot lately, harvest time ya know! But with this rain coming from the east, which is just odd!!! I had a moment to post, and have been wanting to badly!!!
So here I go.
How many of you know your not alone? that so many people are going threw the same thing? YET, YET, with all the friends, and family, co-worker's we see or talk to in a day, how many of you feel a lonely void?
I feel that way lately. I can't help but still love and miss my X after all the hard times.
A bit of a up date on him: He went down to the bigger town 50 miles south of my home. He lived in his car for a few days, then got a voucher from the salvation army to stay in a run down motel for 30 days, that is the end of this week. He's gotten 2 part-time jobs in the past week or so, and he get's a check this week, yet it won't be enough for an apartment just yet, have to wait for another pay check.
Course last week, I went down, to do my shopping, 50 miles away, verse the 12 miles I could have droven.... Just to see him, and let him see the girls. I felt bad cause he had no shampoo, laundry soap, or dish soap, he was washing things in the tub, with cheap bar soap... I bought those for him, and gave him some food. Then sunday i called in the morning, thought the girls could say good morning, he didn't answer and my mind raced, the next morning I called, he had been at work!
I just feel a void, long for have my soulmate, be the way I had hoped for... to not drink to his past, to be happy with me and our children... I long for it so much it hurts at times.... and I'm really really trying to find my inner peace, and don't get me wrong, I do have a good life, just inside myself... there is a hole.
I go to work, and go home, take care of my girls.... once in a while go out with my friends, but knowing they are going home to thier husband, to snuggle kills me.
I have a tuff time believe people anymore, when I guy tells me I'm the girl for him... I'm sure there is yet another knocking on the back door as I'm thinking about walking in the front.
Just guess I wanted to say hello, and let everyone know they are not alone, that I'm hear, I want to be heard.... unlike work, where I feel I'm in a corner, and not really important.
I know my kids love me to death, and I do them the same, but the love from a mate, is so much longed for me!
Thanks,
Kota